In 2008, Joe Prudente—a retiree in Florida whose lawn, despite several re-soddings and waterings and weedings, contained some unsightly brown patches—was jailed for “failing to properly maintain his lawn to community standards.” Earlier this year, Rick Yoes, a resident of Grand Prairie, Texas, also spent time behind bars—for the crime, in this case, of the ownership of an overgrown yard. Gerry Suttle, a woman in her mid-70s, recently had a warrant issued for her arrest—she had failed to mow the grass on a lot she owned across the street from her house—until four boys living in her Texas neighborhood heard of her plight in a news report, came over, and mowed the thing themselves.
One of the selling points of our new house here in the foothills is its almost complete lack of lawn. Lawns are pointless, time-sucking, over-politicized environmental disaster areas. I’m hopeful I’ll live to see the day when they are looked down on as relics of a dumber age—like lead paint and gelatin cuisine.