So out of a mixture of boredom and curiosity I read a bit more about the “cuddle party” thing, including this amusing Nerve article. It does seem a bit odd to plan a cuddle party in advance, with somebody running it and rules and protocol and suchlike. Cuddling seems like the sort of thing that has to happen naturally if it happens at all. On the other hand, if it gets people to let down their barriers…

One thing they have right: people, adults especially, don’t get enough cuddles in this society. I know, I know, some of you don’t care to be touched by anyone but your SO, if even them, and that’s fine. But I for one have racked up years worth of cuddle deficit. Thankfully I have avivahg now. I haven’t had a good people-pile in ages though. Call me crazy, but I love the feeling of being surrounded by love and affection, playing with someone’s hair while someone else plays with mine, feeling human warmth to either side… it’s nice. I admit it, I’m a cuddle slut, albeit a repressed one. It’s not about sensuality, either, although there’s nothing wrong with affection which leads to more intimate activities. It’s about connection. It’s about being someone who perceives and shows love through touch. Babies waste away if they aren’t touched enough, and I think some of us never completely grow out of that.

I want to have more friends that feel comfortable being physically affectionate with me. People are altogether too weird about cuddles, although I can understand why. It’s all too easy for people to get the wrong message. For me, affection is a gift given and received, appreciated but with no expectations or strings attached, but as some friends have lamented to me, that’s not how everyone sees it. For fear of coming across the wrong way, I’m a lot more standoffish than I’d like to be about affection.

So for the record, I’m a cuddle slut, outward appearances to the contrary. Rather than leave people guessing about what I’m comfortable with, I’ll just be upfront about it. I’m nearly always game for hugs, backrubs, playing with hair, handholding, and cuddling in general. I may still be too shy to make the first move in most cases, but I’ll gladly accept and reciprocate physical affection. I won’t be weirded out, or derive false assumptions from it, or try to push boundaries. Just FYI.

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  1. Weee! Me too! Although I think I forgot to warn somebody about that tonight. Oops… You know your cuddling has been misread when they offer to take you home. *giggle* It’s hard to type when you’re drunk off dancing. No alcohol, just dance.

  2. I will love you and squeeze you and call you George!

  3. yes I agree that touch is very important.

    I don’t know I have always been wierd about it. If I am dating someone I cannot stop touching them. But when I am around people that I do not know touching them is strange to me because I always wonder if it will turn into a sexual thing. I personally am a sexual person so perhaps that is the reason why? But anways, my girlfriends and I used to play with eachothers hair, hug, cuddle and all that when we were younger but now we no longer do that. I too miss that type of friendly touching.

    I find that people from different cultures tend to touch more. This hispanic woman I work with always is touching my hair or my back when she walks behind me and I always find it so lovely.

    By the way, I found that article extremely amusing.

    1. I’ve heard that often about other cultures, particularly latin-american ones. It’s good to know it’s not this way everywhere.

  4. We talked about this, and I find amusing that you and I again have so much in common. You can have as many cuddles as you want, but you and your lady need to come down to MD to claim them. *g*

      1. Well, email me or IM me and we’ll talk about it. My schedule’s fairly full through the end of Aug, but Faire starts in MD the last weekend in Aug, mayhaps you and your lady could come down for it.

  5. Typical Avdi

    Always inadvertently describing me when he describes himself. Reading through I thought I’d write up one of those “My Side of the Story” pieces, but that seemed odd. I’d feel like a copycat.

    FTR: I’m a cuddle slut too! Only I’m a little more awkward about it than Avdi.

  6. I read your last post with a bit of nervousness. And this one only exasperates the problem. Its not that I am not a “touchy/feely” person, but that I am selective about who touches me. The idea of having a group of people who I barley know snuggling with me gives me more than a little willies. It drives my boss and my husband crazy. M (my boss) wants to hug me when I’m having a bad day. First time she tried it, I think I offended her by running away. Now, don’t get me wrong — in the right situation, a cuddle or a hug is awesome. I wouldn’t want to be a part of a Cuddle Party. (First of all, I agree with your concern over the rules and the set up.) I like to keep my cuddling intimate.
    Just another example of how different we are. You are so open and loving, you’ll hug anyone, and I admire that about you. I wish I was that way…

    1. That’s still a lot easier for me to comprehend than the people who hate to be touched, period.

      1. I don’t understand those people, either. I do crave to be touched, but it has to be people I am completely comfortable with, people who are intimately connected to me. I still don’t like being hugged by his family, and I’ve known them for 8 years.

      2. Oh, and this is late, and OT, but I hope you had a great birthday, and that you feel better soon!

  7. poooh

    I typed a whole neato comment…. and then lost it all to connection blink…. grrr. You’d think on a cable modem that wouldn’t happen.

    So… what I was saying is that it’s amusing that we were talking abou the circles I run in, because rennies and furries both are groups that tend towards a lot of petting type activites. Most of my faire friends will give backrubs without any reciprocation necessary, though it is certainly appreciated. At the sci-fi and other cons, there are often wandering back-rub givers, complete with signs or buttons. Furries are all about scritching, which may or may not lead to other activites, but is often just a replacement for a hand shake.

    (definitions from vree – tripsolagnophilia is the clinical overall term. Tripsophilia is arousal from being massaged; tripsolagnia is arousal from having hair manipulated or shampooed – this definately fits Kat and I)

    So – I should definately give you and Avivahg more physical attention… and you guys should possibly look into going to a con of some sort.

    ::hugs and scritches:::

    1. Re: poooh

      It figures there’s a term for it. Having my hair played with, in particular, sends me into rapturous bliss when it’s done by someone who can do it well. I suppose there’s sometimes an element of arousal to it, but it’s a lot more than that. It’s like, I dunno, tangible love. It makes me want to do very very nice things for the person doing it.

      1. Re: poooh

        I’ll have to remember that if I ever need a favor from you.

  8. I love hugs and cuddling sooooo much. I was never much of a cuddler with significant others, but friends are prime cuddle material for me. I need it, crave it, have to have it!

    And head scratching, back scratching, foot rubbing is allll goood.

  9. If I really go into this, I’m going to start crying from the lack thereof.

    I will leave it at if you ever get down in the DC area, please, by all means look me up. I will be more than up for a profuse cuddle session.

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