Must… stop… thinking…

Thoughts go around in circles… and I just get more angry. Having trouble establishing perspective. Impossible to focus. Why am I so angry now, as opposed to any other time? And I can’t talk about it, and I can’t justify it in a way that would make sense to any one. There’s no way to let off steam here. I feel so trapped right now. I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of saying “next year”. I’m tired of being patient. I want my life back.

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  1. maybe you are angry now because the surety of the summer not going as planned is becoming a cemented absolute? or because the return of the kids is soon?

    in any event, if even a small part of your anger right now relates to me, please feel free to email me and say so. i promise to take it with a grain of salt given your overall framework right now.

    1. I have no anger toward you, only some lingering guilt over fucking up your 4th of July.

      1. you didn’t fuck up my fourth of july, its not a significant day to me by any stretch of the imagination. i more just wish things had worked out so you guys couldve gotten to know my SO a little and vice versa.

        and you are welcome to email and vent regardless.

        one odd thought – you could consider this, in an odd way, an experience in empathy for some women who have unplanned children (no i do not think what you are expressing is only or even primarily about the kids). the fact that they may love and cherish them doesnt mean they dont also experience overwhelming bitterness over their lost time, lives, money and ability to do as they wish, and feel trapped in a difficult destiny not entirely of their choosing or preconception. small solace i know to gain the ability to identify more fully with something few men comprehend, but its something. :\

        1. Amen! …even if they were planned.

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