So I have this Yahoo profile. It’s accurate, albeit a little short on detail. A few small details are left out, like, oh, my gender. And the photo to go with it is one of my more androgenous. It does say I’m married though. Wouldn’t want to give people the wrong idea. Stacey set it up for me after I complained that she was the only one who ever got horny idiots messaging her.
Yeah, it’s immature, but I enjoy it. What can I say, I’m easily amused. Anyway, it hooks me a slow but steady stream of morons, maybe one a month. Here’s a transcript of my latest catch, with commentary (ellipses indicate elided portions):
(16:56:09) [moron]: whats up
(17:02:17) Avdi: not much. who’s this?
(17:02:24) [moron]: my names russ
(17:02:29) [moron]: saw your profile in a yahoo group
(17:02:35) [moron]: thought ya’d like to talk n shit
“talk n shit”, it turns out, is a code phrase. For what, I’ll let you guess…
(17:02:49) Avdi: talk, perhaps. shit? not thanks.
(17:02:53) Avdi: which group?
(17:03:07) [moron]: hehehe
(17:03:13) [moron]: goth us.md.va or somethign i dunno
(17:03:15) [moron]: *something
(17:03:56) Avdi: *nod*
(17:04:35) [moron]: yes yes right right
(17:05:50) Avdi: where you from?
(17:05:54) [moron]: maryland
(17:06:01) Avdi: wherabouts?
(17:06:04) [moron]: mt.airy
(17:06:07) [moron]: have my own house n shit
What an honor! A member of the landed gentry has deigned to take notice of me!
(17:06:22) Avdi: very nice
(17:07:16) [moron]: got any more pics besides whats on your proile
(17:07:19) [moron]: *profile
(17:08:08) Avdi: no, no other photos handy
(17:08:11) [moron]: ya, like 10 mins to woodbine
(17:08:13) [moron]: doh!:(
(17:08:16) Avdi: sorry
(17:08:19) [moron]: heh no prob
(17:08:30) Avdi: you’ll just have to use your imagination
I realize now what a tall order this was…
(17:08:44) [moron]: hehe, alright
(17:08:54) Avdi: do you frequent any of the B’more clubs?
(17:09:03) [moron]: i used to be in a band and played a lot out there
(17:09:10) [moron]: not recently though
(17:09:12) Avdi: what band?
(17:09:15) [moron]: TormenTion
(17:09:29) Avdi: hm. don’t know it.
(17:09:43) Avdi: where’d you play?
(17:09:46) [moron]: all over MD
(17:09:48) [moron]: some VA, some PA
Anywhere a Denny’s would book us!
(17:10:17) Avdi: *nod*
(17:10:52) [moron]: sooooooooooo ya
Is he calling pigs?
(17:10:57) Avdi: what style of music?
(17:11:06) [moron]: old stuff like pantera/slayer boring carp
(17:11:07) [moron]: *crap
(17:11:11) [moron]: that was like..2 years ago
(17:11:19) [moron]: im a hardcore fella now
Badass status confirmed! Well, some kind of ass, anyway.
(17:11:19) [moron]: sworn enemy
(17:11:19) [moron]: throwdown
(17:11:25) [moron]: killswitch engage
(17:11:28) [moron]: and a lot of grind core
(17:11:30) [moron]: iniquity
(17:11:37) Avdi: “Boring Carp” would be a good name for a band.
(17:11:50) [moron]: aborted, The Haunted!!!!! n such
(17:11:50) [moron]: heh
(17:11:55) [moron]: heh
(17:11:57) [moron]: …true
(17:12:17) Avdi: carp *are* pretty boring
(17:12:28) [moron]: it can be..
(17:13:06) Avdi: not like catfish. catfish, you never know when they’ll do something wierd like spontaneously evolve headlights.
(17:13:15) [moron]: ….true
(17:15:56) Avdi: so what is there to do in Mt. Airy?
(17:16:05) [moron]: off of main street
(17:17:46) Avdi: hm?
(17:18:10) [moron]: i live off of mainstreet
(17:18:16) [moron]: a few streets off of it exactly
(17:18:27) Avdi: ….ok. I asked what there was to do in Mt. Airy.
(17:18:33) [moron]: ohhhhhhhhh
(17:18:34) [moron]: doh
(17:18:37) [moron]: sorry,kinda drunk right now
Friends don’t let friends drink and cyber.
(17:18:46) Avdi: unless you were suggesting that you are all there is to do in Mt. Airy?
(17:19:14) Avdi: my my, and only 5:20. what’s the occasion?
(17:19:25) [moron]: hehehe
(17:19:28) [moron]: just bored, relaxing
(17:19:33) [moron]: hung out with guys right after work
(17:19:35) [moron]: i get off at 2:30
Yeah, I know how that is. I like to have a drink after a long, hard day at work too. Drag myself home in the quiet hours of the afternoon, when everyone else has already gone to bed, and have me a nice cold one…
(17:19:37) [moron]: so im home early
(17:19:38) Avdi: I see
(17:24:41) Avdi: what are you drinking?
(17:25:15) [moron]: coors original
(17:25:16) [moron]: always
It’s a good thing he added that last. I might have gotten the impression he sometimes drank good beer.
(17:27:41) Avdi: 😛
(17:28:09) [moron]: hehe:)
(17:28:10) Avdi: what are you, some kind of Republican?
(17:28:27) [moron]: ..no
(17:28:29) [moron]: im a..human
(17:28:48) Avdi: …barely 😉
(17:29:06) [moron]: shhhhhhhhhhhhsh
…don’t wake up my girlfriend, I’m using her computer to look up horny chicks on the internet!
(17:29:07) [moron]: heh
(17:31:36) [moron]: ya there
(17:31:53) Avdi: yep
(17:31:59) [moron]: the cam didn’t work
(17:34:52) [moron]: so,…any pics
(17:34:54) [moron]: hehe:)?
(17:35:04) Avdi: didn’t we already go through this?
(17:35:15) [moron]: ..oh ya
(17:35:15) [moron]: doh
(17:35:34) Avdi: lay of the crack pipe
(17:35:41) [moron]: no drugs here
(17:36:04) Avdi: oh yeah, you’re in Mt. Airy
(17:36:08) [moron]: yeeeeeep
(17:36:42) Avdi: what do you want with pics anyway, hm?
(17:36:59) [moron]: to see you
(17:37:00) [moron]: more
(17:37:07) Avdi: oh? whyzzat?
(17:37:38) [moron]: cause you’s be cool
Should I be honored? Or terrified?
(17:37:57) Avdi: how do you figure? you don’t even know me
(17:38:03) [moron]: so
(17:38:05) [moron]: i want to
(17:38:09) [moron]: thats why i wanna see you har har
Ha ha! Wait, what’s funny about that statement?
(17:38:16) Avdi: I mean, I’m flattered and all, but…
(17:38:25) [moron]: just see ya, no big deal
(17:40:24) Avdi: sorry, no can do…
(17:40:30) [moron]: why’s not i ask yee
(17:40:54) Avdi: ’cause they aren’t online… ‘sides, my daddy told me not to share photos with strangers
(17:41:01) [moron]: lol
(17:41:02) [moron]: thats cool
(17:43:58) Avdi: oh ya… there’s this one: http://avdi.org/gallery/albums/Madison-2004/aaa.sized.jpg
(17:44:09) [moron]: nice
(17:44:13) [moron]: pretty:)_
(17:44:16) [moron]: quiet pretty
(17:44:17) Avdi: thank you
(17:44:19) Avdi: awww
well, guess it’s time to toss this one back…
(17:44:24) Avdi: I bet you say that to all the bois
(17:44:30) [moron]: noooooooo heh
(17:44:33) [moron]: butthead
It was fun while it lasted. But wait…
(17:44:58) Avdi: what, beavis?
(17:45:07) [moron]: heh
(17:45:49) [moron]: no more pics:(/ hehe
Persistence, or sheer stupidity? You decide!
(17:46:07) Avdi: no, ‘fraid not
(17:46:13) [moron]: well shot
OK, let’s try again:
(17:46:31) Avdi: thnk you, the photographer was my wife
(17:46:45) [moron]: ah
(17:46:49) [moron]: your a lesbian?
My friends, hope springs eternal!
(17:46:53) [moron]: and your married
(17:47:03) Avdi: I suppose you could put it that way
…if by lesbian you mean, “lesbian in a man’s body”
(17:47:15) [moron]: well talking with each other is quiet pointless
Awww, and just when I thought we had connected…
(17:47:18) [moron]: see ya around
(17:48:18) Avdi: pointless? why>
(17:48:19) Avdi: ?
(17:48:26) [moron]: i wanted to get to know ya n such
So THAT’S what the kids are calling it these days.
(17:48:30) Avdi: …and?
(17:48:39) [moron]: your married
(17:48:50) [moron]: lesbian unless you want one night stands or fuckfriends then ya but probley not so..
Indeed, why else would people converse, other than to arrange for carnal recreation? Silly me.
(17:49:59) Avdi: you make many assumptions, lad
(17:50:13) [moron]: well want to get to the point
(17:50:18) [moron]: no point in wasting time:D
(17:50:29) Avdi: no? what’s your rush?
(17:51:10) [moron]: lifes short
(17:51:13) [moron]: live only one i guess
(17:51:19) Avdi: nothing’s as good when it’s rushed
(17:51:21) [moron]: fuck the wastes that get in your way
(17:51:37) Avdi: I prefer to waste the fucks that get in my way
(17:51:45) [moron]: exactly
(17:51:47) Avdi: but to each their own
(17:51:49) [moron]: thats what i ment heh
(17:53:38) Avdi: you never know what you’ll miss if you don’t stop and smell the roses
(17:54:17) [moron]: dont like roses heh
(17:54:49) Avdi: what about the thorns?
(17:55:05) [moron]: noooooope
(17:55:28) Avdi: ah, you’re no fun
(17:55:45) [moron]: hehe
(17:55:47) [moron]: i can be
(17:55:54) [moron]: thats why i wanted to see more pics n such of yee
(17:56:02) Avdi: that would make you more fun?
(17:56:10) [moron]: yes yes
(17:56:12) [moron]: no, you
(17:56:19) Avdi: or would it just make more fun for you?
(17:56:23) [moron]: both
(17:56:24) [moron]: hopefully
(17:56:25) [moron]: at least nme
(17:56:27) [moron]: *me
Ayn Rand would be proud.
(17:56:57) Avdi: if you’re looking for wanking matiral, there are much better sources
(17:57:11) [moron]: no and no
(17:58:42) ***Avdi cocks an eyebrow
(17:58:51) Avdi: so your interest is not *entirely* prurient?
(17:58:59) [moron]: not all the way no
(18:00:36) Avdi: how inspiring.