I’m not alone:

i take it it’s a problem primarily for men, that their eyes will well up and they’re about to cry, but they don’t. even alone, we don’t. and we want to cry, so we try for a moment to make it happen, but then hold back because the tears are suddenly ingenuine – or so we believe.

Thank you , for putting that phenomena into words. So many times I’ve felt exactly like that.

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  1. you’re welcome.

    1. what is that small printing on the cigarette picture of your icon ? i believe I make out ‘never knows best’ and of course my curiosity wont let me be with just that . . . who or what never knows best ? and is that actually what is written on it ?

      1. that is what is written on it, yes. “Never knows best.” i’d always assumed it was the smoker declaring that she “never knows best,” though i’m afraid i don’t know the real symbolism, if there is any. it’s from the 4 or 6 episode Japanese series FLCL (pronounced “Fooli-Cooli”), which is something of an off-the-wall coming-of-age metaphor. this girl is one of the wrenches thrown into the works of a young boy during that awkward age.
        the quiet, uncomfortable tone of the scene really struck a chord with me, and the fact that her cigarette says “never knows best” impacted me all the more. for me, it has to do with all my best intentions resulting in nothing. so i stand behind “i may not know art, but i know what i like.” 😉

  2. i as well have that happen.

  3. I most definitely have that happen, almost as a rule, except in my case I don’t know if the tears never make it into actual liquid tears because they are suddenly ingenuine or because I believe or suddenly believe that they are ingenuine; I feel that with me it is simply due to deep societal training from the earliest age that I knew what tears are or what our society defines to be proper male behavior. And as you say, it is true in my experience also that that happens to me almost as a rule whenever I feel like crying, either alone or with other(s) nearby, exactly the same either way. I had been fiercely judged, blamed, yelled at, et al by at least one womanfriend for not having tears that she could see that looked similar to hear tears and suitable for her ideas of tears and sadness. That is now healthily in the past, but it was really an uncomfortable situation to be held ‘guilty’ and to be judged as ‘lacking necessary human emotional depth’ by having only drytears. The last time I remember really crying, where my entire face was drenched, was when my grandmother died. I love my parents both very much but somehow my relationship with my grandmother was stronger. In any case Avdi you are definitely not alone. I don’t know how large the experience of drytears is among males worldwide or among males through history but as far as I know among men in this country and in this time, we are all over the place, and the drytears feel exactly the same on the inside as liquid ones, or perhaps even slightly more grief~filled for being unable or resisting coming out as normal tears.

  4. I’m biologically female, but transgender in many ways, though I choose to remain biologically and identify socially and politically as female. And I have had this problem for most of my life.

    Very interesting.

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