depressed whining

Changes come
Turn my world around
Changes come
Bring the whole thing down

I should get back to work.

But why bother?  It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter how hard I work.  It doesn’t matter how much money I make.  It doesn’t make a difference.

How anyone manages to maintain a family in this country on less than 100k mystifies me.   And the fact that a lot of people seem to do it and have money left over for big screen TVs and SUVs exasperates me.

Don’t even bring up budgeting, it’s been done to death on this journal.

I want to give up.  I’m tired of waiting for things to get better.

A lot of people have offered me a place to stay if I want to take a break, and I appreciate that.  But I don’t want to take a break.  I don’t want to be thinking about the shitty situation I have to return to.  I want to give up.

Tell me it’s all worthwhile.  Tell me in a way that makes me believe you.

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  1. Re: im just a poor boy, no body loves me

    Judging by the people I see around me, I am beginning to believe that the costs of raising a family are based on a bizarre alternative mathematics that bear no relation to the traditional 2+2=4 system.

  2. listen, i’m not going to comment with a bunch of fluff here. it fucking sucks and there’s no way to sugar-coat it. you work your ass off only to live paycheck to paycheck. it’s just the way things are in the good ol’ usa. i too wonder how people on my block can afford those escalades and plasma screens, but i figure they’re probably in a lot of debt. either that, or they’re living on a drug dealer’s pension. i know i don’t have much, but at least it’s mine. your spirit is the one thing you have to hang on to… and now i’m sure i sound like the hippie i accuse you of being. but you know, at the end of the day… you should feel proud that you’re living a responsible life and making a difference in the lives of your loved ones. i don’t think that’s such a bad thing… but you can’t lose yourself in the process. you have to find some balance before you go mad…

    1. I know I’m making a difference in ‘s life. My stepkids would probably rather be living with their dad full-time, and I’m convinced I came along too late to make a significant difference in their development.
      I’m sick of being responsible. Sure, I get some return on the investment, but when you balance it all out, does it really make up for the outlay?

      1. The kids would not fare very well if they lived with their dad full-time. I know you think they’d rather live with him, but in the long haul, they’re better off (and will probably thank us later) with us.

  3. tempted to run away and go back to an agrarian society like the amish?

    1. no, that would be cutting off my head to heal a headache.

  4. So what do you want that you don’t have? Do you want a big screen T.V.? Do you want an SUV? The problem with America is that we’re told to want to much and we’re told to except to much. I was readin an article the other day about a grandmother trying to raise 15 orphaned granchildren on less than an acre of farm, they get one meal a day. Does that mean that you should feel bettter because other people are out there suffering? I hope not that would make you not a very nice person. Does it mean that you can’t want more than you have? Of course. But you have to also appreciate what you have. You have to put a little perspective on it. You said yourself that it’s not a matter of sustinance, for many people it is, even here in America. So yeah, appreciate what you have. It’s certainly not easy to do but if you want to feel better about your life you have to do it.

    1. If the bottom had dropped out of the software market and I was making barely over minimum wage flipping burgers, I’d suck it up and deal. But it hasn’t, and I’m not.

      What do I want? I want financial security. I want zero debt, $10,000 in the bank for contingencies, and to be making consistently more than I have to spend paying the bills and keeping the cars running. That’s all. It’s what I became accustomed to, and what I would like to have again.

  5. It is all worthwhile. Love exists.

    1. I will agree with you that for the general case of “it”, i.e. life itself, that is sufficient compensation.

      For more specific values of “it”, the calculations become less clear.

  6. Re: im just a poor boy, no body loves me

    hes right, its the law of discord.

  7. i say yes, it is all worth it. life is not a game, it is an experience. good or bad as they may be, they are all the same. up and down, left right. all the same. some of each may be overwhelming at times, some may not. in the end, you will always have those who do love you around you, unjudging but supporting. take it all in, sort it out, take what you can learn from it, and let the rest go. good bad, its all really the same. the knowledge gained is not. sometimes things will be beaten into your head, but perhaps that just means it is worth knowing fully and truelly understanding.
    financially, this country is going into the shit hole. the euro is starting to become the world currency. which is scary because if the dollar loses its weight on the world, then this country will go into the shit hole. i wish you luck, and i have hope and love for you. *hugs.
    all hail eris!

    1. Here here to that, the whole country’s going to be feeling the pain soon enough. Did you know that the U.S. spend 80% of the savings for the entire world? But produces next to nothing. We be spending everyone’s money.

  8. I wish I could tell you it’s all worthwhile.
    If I did, I would be lying to you.

    I guess all I can say is that life is what you make of it, happiness is a state of mind, this too shall pass (the only constant in life is change), and …well… I don’t have an and. Sorry ’bout that.

    I really don’t want to have children or a life partner (well, MAYBE a life partner someday, but that’s a FREAKING huge maybe) and I don’t understand the mindset of those who do have children and/or a life partner, so I’m really not going to be much help.

    Be creative in thinking of options. Know that you always have more choices than it seems.

    And, uh, yeah…
    /me centers herself, breathes deep, channels Energy from the Earth and from Within, and sends it your way, to be taken in and received by only you. (btw, that’s my form of praying for you.)

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