Last night c4bl3fl4m3 and shadowandlight came over, and there was much merriment and trading of obscure references. And Halo and walking and watching shadowandlight play Spider-Man 2 and cuddling and bitching and late-night snacking. And it was very good. And then there were sleepy snuggles with the Lady avivahg which were also very good, even if she doesn’t remember them. I love my wife so much.
I forget sometimes just how painful the lack of human touch that accompanied singleness was, until I’m reminded by an encounter with a friend who is without an SO. I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again: the hands-off nature of our society which dooms the single to a virtually touch-free existence is stupid, stupid, stupid, and wholely unnecessary. Nobody should go without cuddles just because they happen not to be in an romantic relationship.
I’m distractingly horny today, despite taking… steps, earlier. This suggests my mood is on the mend. I’m not counting my chicks before they look a gift horse by it’s boostraps, though.
Some of us don’t need any more unsolicited touching than we already get, regardless of relationship status. An increasingly touchy-feely society means more strangers who think they have the right to Sarah’s body as Public Domain, and then there would be an increased assault rate (by me).
Well, I didn’t mean to say people should go around committing random acts of cuddling. I realize that not everyone has the same need for human touch that I have.
I’m just saying romantic attachment shouldn’t have to be a precondition for physical affection.
well, I don’t see that it is now; If I need some sort of physical touch I know of many places to get it, I need only ask/imply and have a repoire with the person so that I don’t creep them out with my asking/implication.
I’d say you’re in the minority then, at least in my experience. I’m not particularly suprised that you’re an exception; you seem the type to form very straightforward relationships and to not have trouble coming right out and asking for what you need. All too many people, however, seem to suffer from some combination of: thinking such a request is “improper”; being too insecure/embarrassed to ask; or simply not having friends who would be receptive. It’s my impression that a fair number of ill-fated relationships have their start, at least partly, in a need for physical affection and the [percieved] innability to get it any other way.
thinking such a request is “improper”; being too insecure/embarrassed to ask; or simply not having friends who would be receptive.
And are probably completely unaware that they can get the sort of repoire (I know I’m spelling this wrong…) they need simply by focusing on certain things in their interactions. I.e., paying attention to who’s doing what, and who’s receptive to what. People just need to pay attention in general since they could reduce their insecurities when they notice that everyone is just as clueless/flawed as they are, albeit in different ways.
Very, very true.
Consider this my way of reminding my little circle that I, for one, am receptive to the need for no-strings cuddles 🙂
“simply by focusing on certain things in their interactions. I.e., paying attention to who’s doing what, and who’s receptive to what.”
But some of us already have problems with human interaction, and with the subtleties and nuances of communication.
What I’m saying is it’s not all that simple.
Some people also have mental disabilities which makes paying attention, especially in a human interaction type setting, very difficult.
***
It would be so much easier if people would go around wearing signs that say stuff like “I give good hugs” and “I need my hair ruffled”. 🙂
I’m tempted to have some pins made up that say stuff like that…
“An increasingly touchy-feely society means more strangers who think they have the right to Sarah’s body as Public Domain”
No, it doesn’t.
In a society that treated this properly, it would mean that hugs and touchy-feely stuff would be more readily available, but that basic respect for other people’s bodies would be given. People would ALWAYS ask before touching or hugging. It’s just, they wouldn’t be ashamed to ask, and the asking wouldn’t keep someone from asking and doing.
But I don’t see that happening. But then again, all the unwanted touching might come out of people’s need for touch, and in that society, those needs would be met, so there would be less people touching unsolicted.
Make sense?
You make a good point. There’s a case to be made for unwarranted touching being a byproduct of repression, the same way a case can be made for some sexual violence being the result of the lack of culturally accepted, safe, sane, and consensual outlets for people’s urges.
Make sense?
Yes. You want society to change to meet your own (admitted) difficulties rather than think up a way to work around it to get your needs met.
I do not believe the picture you paint would necessarily foster less unwanted touch because of its abundance. More likely it will create a culture of obligation where to reject an offer is considered rude, and people who do not wish such interactions are thought of as not being “nice” people.
I like your sign idea better.
Make sense?
Yes. You want society to change to meet your own (admitted) difficulties rather than think up a way to work around it to get your needs met.
I do not believe the picture you paint would necessarily foster less unwanted touch because of its abundance. More likely it will create a culture of obligation where to reject an offer is considered rude, and people who do not wish such interactions are thought of as not being “nice” people.
I like your sign idea better.
yay, hope the mend keeps going up. see you sunday >:)
I really had a great time. See my exceedingly long post today.
And, yes, the lack of human touch, in my mind’s most melodramatic of moments, makes me feel like I’m like some form of emotional leper, an Unwanted, an Undesirable, someone that noone would ever even conceive of bumping into, let alone holding.
It just reminds me that I’m a Freak.
“I’m not counting my chicks before they look a gift horse by it’s boostraps, though.”
/me wonders if this means what she thinks it means.
/me then wonders if it’s just me reading into things too much.
Oh, and I’m so glad your mood is on the mend. I was (and still am) worried about you.
/me gives you lots and lots of hugs.
“/me wonders if this means what she thinks it means.”
It means that I’m adopting a wait-and-see atitude re: my mood, and that I enjoy mixing my metaphors 😉
I’m glad you had a great time too 😀 Let’s do it again sometime.
Yeah. /me was reading into things too much.
Heh… these aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
Move along.
<whine>This R2 unit’s got a bad motivator!</whine>
Yeah, I’ve been lurking. I thought to offer my two cents.
As someone who’s been single for about…four? years now, I don’t really place so much emphasis on touch anymore. I won’t deny the importance of it (occasionally, a shitty day will make me want a hug), but it’s not a big thing for me anymore. Cuddling? I absolutely can’t see myself doing it, platonically or romantically. But right now, I’m not really interested in romance, so that could account for it.
Then again, I’m weird when it comes to touch anyway: some of my friends can touch me; others, I shy away from. At the same time, I was really touchy at Otakon, and that was with strangers.
Viciously off-topic, sorry. I guess the gist of the message was supposed to be that I don’t really mind the touch-free society so much.
Everybody has their own level of touchy-feeliness. Again, I’m not advocating a society where people go around inflicting acts of non-consensual cuddling on others. What I WOULD like to see is a society where people don’t feel wierd asking a friend for more than a quick hug. Where I can cuddle in public without part of my mind worrying about someone who knows me seeing it and thinking/gossiping “OMG, I can’t believe what I saw doing behind ‘s back” – even if it has her explicit sanction.
Understood. 🙂
But I have to ask, how do you define cuddling, exactly? Both you and reference it, but my recollection of the definition is kind of hazy.
It’s not a terribly precise term, and I suspect different people define it different ways.
Cuddling, to me, encompasses all forms of nonsexual touching beyond hugs and hand-holding. So for example last night it meant sitting on the edge of our futon behind, who was on the floor, with her kind of leaning against my lap, while I played with her hair. It could also mean sitting arm-in-arm next to each other, or sitting in someone’s lap while they put their arms around you, or variations on those themes.
Does that make it any clearer?
Very much so.
I had more narrow definitions of it, and considered it a strictly romantic thing, so when would talk about doing it with a friend, I sat there thinking, “…the hell?”
I love you too, babe!
Boostraps?
Sounds scary.