I’m about to commence bitching. Those who can’t differentiate between venting and earnest, serious discussion, buzz off now.
Who the hell came up with the notion of “bad weather”? I swear everyone, from my co-workers to my friends to the announcers on the radio has a complex about the weather. “It’s gonna be a miserable day, folks”. “I hope the weather doesn’t ruin our weekend”. “Boy it’s really awful out there”. “Looks like it’s going to rain. Oh well, I guess you can’t have everything.”
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!!! I have a news flash for you: in the temperate regions of this planet which humans mostly inhabit, we have a thing called weather. Sometimes it’s cold. Sometimes it’s hot. Sometimes it rains. Sometimes ice falls from the sky. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it just is. If you can’t cope, if it makes you so unhappy that it isn’t 70 degrees and sunny every god-blessed day of the year, either move or get yourself an attitude adjustment! Stop making value judgements about something as stupid and trivial as the weather. You’re just making yourself sad. I can’t imagine how depressed I’d get if I worried every day whether the sun would shine on the morrow. We live here, get used to it. Every season, every wind, every form of precipitation, has it’s own special beauty. I promise you that unless you live at the north pole, whatever conditions the earth chooses to bestow on you tomorrow they will be within the parameters of human survival.
I have further news. You know how that fancy digital watch you bought is waterproof to three billion metres? Your body is waterproof too! Isn’t that amazing? I know it sounds dangerous, but I dare you to stand out in the rain sometime – without any form of shelter! You may experience the urge flee the liquid onslought before your flesh corrodes and sloughs off of your bones in sheets; but stand your ground. You will watch, amazed, as the water slides off of your skin as if it were formed of an advanced weatherproof-yet-breathable fabric manufactured by the DuPont corporation. Yes, without any enhancement, your body is an all-weather device, a veritable juggernaut against the elements. Imagine the vistas that open before you with this realization! No more cowering in fear and disgust for a quarter of the year! No more is your familiar backyard transformed at the whim of nature into a forebidding alien landscape.
I’m sick to death of hearing the obligatory water-cooler curses muttered against the weather. Show a little goddamn adaptability and fortitude. Barring hurricanes and similar extreme events, there’s no reason to fret about a little rain or a thunderstorm or two. These things are all part of the amazingly beautiful variety of the world we live in. Our bodies are wonderfully adapted to withstand the array of conditions we are subject to. Weather happens. Get used to it. Appreciate it. Thrive on it. Quit yer bitching.