Congenital Optimism vs. Situational Depression: Round 1

Horrible dream this morning… I was employed by some kind of syndicate.  It was in the opposing syndicate’s best interests to burn a certain shop down, and it was in mine’s best interests to keep the shop from being burned.  The other syndicate sent a guy to burn the shop down.  He was just an ordinary, mild-mannered guy whose job description happened to be arson.  And when he came to burn down the shop, I would rough him up and send him packing.  The first time I think I broke his leg, but he kept coming back.  It was his job.  And every time, I felt horrible.  Finally, he came back and I beat him in the head, and then slammed his head against the side of a car so hard he passed out.  Later on I encountered him being led around in a dazed state.  He had no idea who I was.  I had hit him so hard he had lost his memory.  I felt sick with remorse.  I still feel awful.


I’m kind of oscillating, moodwise.  The weather is glorious, and I’m feeling a lot clearer on what my life’s purpose is.  On the flip side, undisclosed events still have me courting depression.


Notes to a young man:

  • Goodness does not pay.  You are as likely to be punished for being kind and nice as for anything else.  It’s not actually “punishment”, because the universe doesn’t give that much of a shit about you; but it will feel like it.
  • Every “unworthy” impulse you suppress out of a sense of duty or righteousness will come back to haunt you tenfold.
  • Bitter old men will come to you with useless and cryptic advice.  Ignore them and find a field of clover to roll in.
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