As hinted at in my last post, we spent the day in New York City. The occasion was the Princess’ 13th birthday. It’s a big number and we wanted to make it special for her.
At some point today I got to thinking about what it would take to give me a “special day”. And I realized that one of the nicest things someone could do for me would be to take me on on outing during which I never once felt the need to take charge, make decisions, sort things out, or otherwise be responsible.
I have a deeply ingrained sense of responsibility, a need to be on top of things and totally prepared at all times. Some of it is inherent in my character, and some of it learned, I think. I am not ambitious person by nature; rather the opposite. But I have found myself in situations where I must rely on myself; or wherein others are at a loss, have dropped the ball. or have failed to sufficiently prepare; often enough that I feel compelled to always be ready to take up the slack. And I often feel resentful as a result, because being in charge isn’t really something I enjoy, it’s just a matter of necessity.
Just as an example, this is the reason I rarely drink much in company. Because too often I’ve found it necessary to deal with some logistical, emotional, housekeeping or health crisis while others are drinking. There’s always a little voice in the back of my head warning me to keep it together because I can’t count on anyone else to do so.
I’m the one who makes lists whenever there is some event to be prepared for, and reminds others of the things they have forgotten.
If someone really wanted to make my day, they’d arrange a day that was so impeccably planned, so carefully overseen that I could actually put my sense of responsibility on hold for once, and rest easy knowing that things were in good hands. They would write lists and check them twice; they would call ahead to verify; they would familiarize themselves with the relevant geography beforehand; and just generally be anal retentive about the whole thing. They would take initiative and make decisions.
That would be a nice way to spend a day.