jjackallennasks some perceptive questions in response to this entry. To answer, at least partially:
It’s true I wasn’t just talking about my experience at Elektroschock, allthough that was part of it. Throughout that Saturday I was conscious of a feeling that the nameless something that I have pursued all of my life, whether in the form of God or a friend or a lover, was right by my side, around and above and within me. Call it God/dess, “call it the shadow of myself”; Comforter; Companion; call it what you will – I was suffused with a sense of completeness. That night, dancing ecstatically and then later sitting, feeling the soothing vibrations of the subwoofers, I did not feel the usual anxiousness that I was not with anyone, was not talking to anyone. I sat alone and was content; and when a friend came and sat next to me for a time I was also content; and then when I chatted with friends at the bar I was also content. The familiar sense that I am missing out, that something is at this moment slipping out of my fingers, was absent. I was satisfied in and of myself; I was cradled in the divine.
thank you ; that is wonderful . . . I am quite happy to hear that more clearly now . . .
That is integration..
That is, for me, the sense of completeness that I find only comes from within myself.. but which is more completely realized when I have a live human companion who loves me for who I am and not for whom they want me to be…
As we have chatted about before.. I find it interesting that your frame of reference infers this as the presence of/connection with an externalized example of the divine. For me.. that was never the case.. any reference to the divine always seemed so foreign to me that it always seemed to remove this state of being from me…
Not that I’m trying to deny your experience.. I just find it fascinating how different people interpret this kind of situation.. i.e. your experience and interpretation is just as valid as mine for me, because they both are a perfect examples of how we are enjoying the subjective construction/experience of finding meaning in our lives..
Enjoy.. may it continue…
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