or to put it less cryptically…

February 21, 2005 7 Comments

I don’t think many of you realize what a freak I am.

I am bugs bunny walking across a ravine on nothing more than hubris and ignorance. I am tinkerbell trying to get you to clap. I am Don Fucking Quixote. Don Juan de Marco. The Wizard of Oz – pay no attention etc.

I’ve got a savior complex a mile wide. I’d slit my wrists in a second if I could believe, for one moment, without a doubt, that it would somehow tip the scales. And I would smile so wide…

But no, it’s not that simple. I know that. But I’m still gonna believe. I’m gonna pull myself up by my bootstraps, I’m gonna believe my world into existance and pull as many of you as I can with me and we can all go insane together and give reality the finger. If this is what passes for reality in your feeble imagination than to hell with your world.

I can’t do it alone. I can’t fucking do it alone.

The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you
Believe in me as I believe in you
Believe in me as I believe in you
tonight.

View All

7 Comments

  2. iq2hi4uok February 21, 2005 at 09:39

    I don’t know who this was aimed at, (if it was even aimed at anyone in particular, but –

    I can’t do it alone. I can’t fucking do it alone.

    You’re not.

    I’d slit my wrists in a second if I could believe, for one moment, without a doubt, that it would somehow tip the scales. And I would smile so wide…

    So would I, Avdi. So would I.

    (Er, my wrists, that is. Not yours.)

  3. witness_light February 21, 2005 at 12:43

    I do believe in you, absolutely and without question. You’re one of the strongest people I know.

    I understand about being willing to give your life to make the world better, but the funny thing is… your life and not your death is what changes the world for the people around you.

    I miss you.

  4. miscreeds February 21, 2005 at 16:34

    I’m with you.

    If you’ve found the way, show me. If not, I’ll keep looking on my own. Belief alone isn’t enough. That was Don Quixote’s mistake (and the mistake of a great many non-fictional people). We need to build the best world we can imagine. I just wish I knew what pieces we could build it out of.

    Hang in there. The world depends on freaks like us.

    1. avdi February 21, 2005 at 16:53

      Thank you.

      Belief is not everything, and perhaps one of my weaknesses is that I put too much stock in belief. But it’s still huge. As within, so without. What I believe IS my world, and while faith may not literally move mountains, it can change the world we live in from day to day. Belief changes us in concrete ways beyond mere perceptions, too. When someone tells me they believe something positive about me, I find I am motivated to become who they see me to be. We can’t change the world without changing the heart.

  5. jjackallenn February 26, 2005 at 20:30

    Re: Huttah

    yeah, that new bugs is really, really ugly ~ like what??? why is it so difficult for people to leave a great thing be ?

Comments are closed.