Yesterday: Took my dad and my stepson out for lunch and minigolf. The Lad beat me, and got a hole-in-one in the process, which made me very happy for him.

Last night: finally visited The Garden. It was my first exposure to such an event, so I just treated it like any other club night – did a lot of chatting (yay for moderate volume levels!), a bit of dancing (all hail skunque, granter of requests – being able to dance to Further did a lot towards getting it out of my head), and a little reading. Wasn’t really sure what the appropriate etiquette was, so didn’t do a lot of observation except when a lot of other people were obviously watching a scene.

Got some good hugs, wanted more. Sometimes wish I didn’t have to drive home from club nights, so I could drink more and be a cuddle-slut without giving a shit about what people think of me. Am aware, though, that alcohol is the phsyiological equivalent of a cheat-code, and there are better and more permanenent methods of attitude modification.

There is something different about cuddling with an SO and cuddling with friends or acquaintances. Not better, just different. I couldn’t get enough of avivahg‘s arms yesterday and last night; and yet, I also crave affection from others.

Was feeling the onslought of today’s depressive funk by the time I hit the sheets last night. Don’t know what brought that on.

“It’s time to get the lash, it’s time to get the rope; sharpen the razor, grab your microscope.” I need to start identifying the remaining things that make me unhappy and figuring out how I am going to address them. Need to stop treading water. Life is fleeting. I am better than I’ve been in a long time, but there are these lingering complaints which must be either addressed or dispelled. No more cruel mercy; what am I willing to put up with, in myself and in others; what is untenable; and what am I going to do about it?

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3 Comments

  1. Sometimes wish I didn’t have to drive home from club nights, so I could drink more and be a cuddle-slut without giving a shit about what people think of me.

    Since I never drink when I go out, I’m usually the designated driver when I go with a crowd. I don’t mind at all since I like to take care of my friends.

  2. i typically don’t mind being the DD. i have at least a 45 minute drive anyway so i am usually sober. i will admit, every once in awhile it would be nice for ME to be able to cut loose, not just everyone else.

  3. avdi it was really great to see you out last night and i know skunque enjoyed seeing you too 🙂

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