Yesterday: Took my dad and my stepson out for lunch and minigolf. The Lad beat me, and got a hole-in-one in the process, which made me very happy for him.
Last night: finally visited The Garden. It was my first exposure to such an event, so I just treated it like any other club night – did a lot of chatting (yay for moderate volume levels!), a bit of dancing (all hail skunque, granter of requests – being able to dance to Further did a lot towards getting it out of my head), and a little reading. Wasn’t really sure what the appropriate etiquette was, so didn’t do a lot of observation except when a lot of other people were obviously watching a scene.
Got some good hugs, wanted more. Sometimes wish I didn’t have to drive home from club nights, so I could drink more and be a cuddle-slut without giving a shit about what people think of me. Am aware, though, that alcohol is the phsyiological equivalent of a cheat-code, and there are better and more permanenent methods of attitude modification.
There is something different about cuddling with an SO and cuddling with friends or acquaintances. Not better, just different. I couldn’t get enough of avivahg‘s arms yesterday and last night; and yet, I also crave affection from others.
Was feeling the onslought of today’s depressive funk by the time I hit the sheets last night. Don’t know what brought that on.
“It’s time to get the lash, it’s time to get the rope; sharpen the razor, grab your microscope.” I need to start identifying the remaining things that make me unhappy and figuring out how I am going to address them. Need to stop treading water. Life is fleeting. I am better than I’ve been in a long time, but there are these lingering complaints which must be either addressed or dispelled. No more cruel mercy; what am I willing to put up with, in myself and in others; what is untenable; and what am I going to do about it?