It would be unseemly for me to let this day pass without writing about our anniversary.
Five years ago today Stacey and I drove to the courthouse in Towson, MD and were married by a bored functionary in a tiny matrimonial closet. I don’t recall being particularly nervous.
As anyone reading my journal this week might have surmised, I’m not in the appropriate state of mind to write anything mushy and sweet about this occasion. It would be insincere if I did. Which is not to say that I am unhappy about it or with Stacey; only that I am depressed in general and unable to summon up any squishy romantic feelings to draw upon.
So what to say?
Well, I shouldn’t let the occasion pass without a big “Fuck You” to anyone and everyone who thought our marriage was ill-considered and DOOOOOMED. I doubt anyone reading this falls into that category, but I’m sure there were those who thought so at the time.
And I guess it’s traditional to offer some encouragement to those less blessed in love. Five years doesn’t seem like all that long a time, but I’ve watched numerous relationships come and go in that time. You wanna know the secret to making a relationship last?
Lean in real close now…
Are you ready?
Don’t break up.
It worked for me, it can work for you.
Five years in which I have changed, in some ways, more than I would ever have imagined; and in other ways have stayed frozen in time. Five years ago I was a passionate Christian/Messianic Jew; now I’m agnostic. Five years ago I was working at StodgeCo and thinking about going back to school; today I’m still working at StodgeCo and thinking about going back to school.
It hasn’t been easy, and I don’t know if I’ve learned the lessons that hardship is supposed to teach. I don’t think I’ve learned to be an adequate stepfather yet. I’m less romantic than when I started. A better communicator? Maybe a smidge.
I’ll tell you one thing though:
It’s been five years since I was lonely.
Here’s to the next five.