Germany denounces nuclear energy, announces plans for orbital solar-powered death ray

Germany, a country with far less solar resources than sunshine drenched
Australia, looks set to continue its reputation of being a solar power
stronghold. Germany has decided to end its love affair with nuclear power and
“no provision has been made for a way back”.

In the wake of the Fukushima nuclear plant meltdown, Germany has announced plans to shut down its nuclear reactors and invest heavily in an massive orbital mirror array. Citing the need for cheaper, more sustainable sources of devastating concentrations of energy, Germany will construct a network of orbiting mirrors capable of focusing millions of degrees of heat on a target as small as a Volkswagen. The mirrors will be used to channel energy to special receiving stations, and German officials were careful to reassure the public that there is only a “very slight” chance the mirrors will lose calibration and vaporize thousands of hectares of land in seconds.

In a gesture of European unity, the mirror project will be shared with France. Germany will provide the orbital mirrors, and the receiving stations will be located in France. Most stations will be located on land already owned by Électricité de France, near one of its 59 nuclear power plants.

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One Comment

  1. Awesome

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