Sometimes I feel like I don’t know
Sometimes I feel like checkin’ out
I want to get it wrong
Can’t always be strong
And love it won’t be long…
We just returned from going to Kommencement, after spending the afternoon with my mom. Saw a lot of people I’d been missing. Some of them had missed me too. I danced a lot. I like the outfit I put together tonight. I think I looked good.
Which is all to say that there is no reason in the world for me to feel as miserable as I do right now.
I want to put my head down on the desk and cry. I couldn’t put a name or an origin on this feeling if I tried. I’m crashing and I don’t know why. I want to know that I am the brightest thing you have ever seen. I want to lay out on an empty field and watch the stars and know the world has forgotten my existence. I want to pull up roots and watch memories fall away like loose soil. I want to curl up in someone’s arms and shake. I want to start a fire that won’t flicker out when I glance away.
Why aren’t I happy now?