What I do, it’s a dance on a tightwire. It’s flying, Hitchhiker’s Guide definition: just throw yourself at the ground, and miss. Simple. But it stops working when you cease to believe you’re actually doing it. Precarious, no?

What I fear: that I will one day take the plunge, and you will all back away and shake your heads and shuffle off uncomfortably. Like Lucy in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, saying, “You saw it too, Edmund! Tell them I’m not making it up” and then watching in horror as he claims it was only a childish game.

Maybe it’s not that I can’t fall in love; maybe it’s that I’m in love with the whole fucking lot of you.

We spend our childhoods learning to be humble, but without sheer, unadulterated hubris I am nothing.

What would you say if I told you I had wings?

There isn’t a fine line between insanity and faith: there is no line at all. Face facts: I am seeking to go mad.

I have this one slender line to catch hold of: “By their fruits, you shall know them”. Pragmatism, William James-style. As long as I can make your eyes catch fire, I am not utterly lost.

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  1. wow. That has a lot of thoughts in it. And I shall ponder it as I fall asleep in a moment or two. It has a reflection with how I sometimes feel in my spirit.

    I used to have “flying” dreams, that always started with jumping on a trampoline and then if I waved my arms just right, I’d get lift and be able to fly. I used to try it when I was awake, and I could never figure out what I was doing wrong… I don’t have a trampoline anymore, so I can’t try it as an adult to see if that will make the difference.

    1. No matter how old I get I can’t shake the feeling that I could just lift up and away if I just willed it hard enough. And I guess metaphorically speaking that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.

      1. *nods* What if I just need to believe a little stronger… what could I do if I just opened my mind to the possibility that i *could* do whatever the current “impossible” dream of the day is?

        1. what could I do

          Move mountains, I daresay.

  2. I always have flying dreams… because I believe I can fly away from the pain in my back.

    (that’s why I got wings)

    If you told me you had wings i’d ask you, what color and how big are they?

    1. Large enough to spread over anyone who needs shelter. As for color… I’m really not sure. Isn’t that odd?

  3. I see your gossamer wings.

    Perhaps I am already mad?

    1. you are so fabulous… what a beautiful comment. 🙂

      having not met the both of you in person, i haven’t physically seen wings, but i can definately feel traces of their presence… it’s an energy glow.

      let us be mad together, it will be lovely.

  4. avdi…

    people who understand this aren’t going to back away from you. there are a million versions of reality, some closer to the divine than others. just because you’re moving further away from the average person’s definition of sanity and reality does not mean you will lose everyone along the way… i can’t speak for all of your other friends, but i can tell you that if you jump into nothing, i’ll be standing there in a pool of light & shadow saying hello.

    and is it hubris, or is it realizing your spiritual potential? the only problem i can forsee is that you cannot love people entirely into existence, you can only help them believe as well, only try to open their eyes… but yes, i believe people like you change the world.

    we say things that need to be said, see things that need to be seen, love people who need to be loved. in fact, i admire you because you do it far better than i do.

    love. talk to me online again soon.

  5. I’ve had the experience of feeling the walls, floor and ceiling, fall away, and I “felt” I was floating in a vast space of deepest blue, like indigo, and all I could “see” were the two points of contact that I had with my training partner’s arms, floating in space, making trailing arcs in the air like two points of fire. And that’s all there was; no worries, no concerns, no pain, no heat, no cold, no consideration for the past or the future; just two points of focus, floating in space, apart from me yet intrinsically linked to me.

    It’s one of the most beautiful experiences of my life and I often try to recapture it.

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