I miscalculated our taxes. The kids’ father claimed them as dependents for 2005, and looking at the facts, he’s got at least as good a case as we do for claiming them.
So instead of getting $1,099 back, we owe over $1800. That’s on top of local taxes, which I expect to come to close to $1000.
Every time, every time things start looking up and we start getting ahead, something happens. I was looking forward to getting most of our debts paid off this year; now I’m figuring out how to make ends meet.
I’m sick of this. Five years ago I had a disposable income and twenty grand in investments. For the last five years I’ve been living from paycheck to paycheck and trying to keep the debt from growing without bound. Looking forward to the day when things would turn around. Looking forward to being able to buy new clothes and furniture and a new computer without guilt. Looking forward to being able to afford to go back to school. And every year that day is pushed back.
Yes, we’ll be fine. It’s not a matter of survival. We’re better off than others I know who make do on far less.
But I’m not happy living this way. As far as I’m concerned, living such an insecure existence is only justified in the pursuit of some greater goal. And I’m not an artist, struggling to express myself. I’m not a a saint, living for holiness. My life is not defined by some great mission beside which paltry material concerns pale. My goal is simply to live, and to live well. There is only so long I’m willing to put up with being foiled in that.