The Weight Grows Heavier

I’m not doing well. Those of you who read sagaloo‘s journal know that the birth was not without it’s tense moments. Without getting into details, I’ll just say that it took a lot out of me, emotionally, and I haven’t really had a chance since to talk about or process those feelings.

Now Stacey is sick. It’s nothing life-threatening, or even terribly unusual, but she’s effectively helpless again after a week and a half of steady recovery.

I have a sick wife and a newborn to care for, two older children who also need attention and reassurance, a house full of animals to keep from becoming a total wreck, overdue bills to pay, and a job to hold down. A job that by its nature that I have to be mentally focused in order to do. “Focused” is the opposite of the state I find myself in.

Also, it’s trivial in the grand scheme, but I had my heart set on returning to the Black Rock Burn this year. That’s not going to be happening.

I think it’s safe to say that I’m as close as I’ve ever been to breaking.

Prayers and positive energy would be much appreciated. More concrete help is even more strongly coveted. I don’t feel like I’m falling apart; I feel like I’ve fallen apart and am held together with duct tape and baling twine.

View All


  1. Hey man, duct tape and baling twine can hold the entire world together. 🙂

    *hugs* Hang in there. It’ll get better.

  2. I don’t know how you are doing it… but you are doing it… and it’s pretty common to crumble under so many forces aiming at you…. Try to take a few moments time out for yourself… Your life isn’t over so remember that you can do whatever you want to do it’s just at this point in time you have to make sure things are sorted before doing them…. Take care and I send out well-wishes to you…

  3. I hadn’t been refriended since she switched journals, but I just clicked over to read her account (because I am a sucker for a natural birth story) and I was really glad to see that she found it as empowering as I have. Sorry to hear that shes sick, but as with all the rest, this too shall pass. It takes a bit to get into th groove of new parenthood, but just wait till he starts smiling. Makes it all worth it! Sending good energy your way!

    1. Sorry. Bad me. 🙁 I’ll fix that.

      1. Thanks, hi, and congrats!

        1. You’re welcome! Hi! and Thanks. 🙂

  4. I feel really crappy saying this, but it’s kind of where I am right now. . .

    I can come up and help one day this week (not Tuesday, not Friday), but I’ll need help paying for gas 🙁

  5. good thoughts and all are with you both!

  6. You guys will be in my prayers.

  7. hang in there…

    newborns always are major stress… you sound like you are doing awesome..(amazingly absurd as that might sound..)

    I’m certain you will pull through it..

    one suggestion.. turn one of your “liabilities” above into resources.

    Older children are useful. They can be reassured by being told that they are important through the taking on of responsibilities…

    They don’t even have to do that much.. but if you can get them to unload even some of your chores–taking care of animals and small household things–then you can reduce your own burden.

    Give them specific set duties and you may have to do a little supervision.. but I’m sure it can be done.. deadlines are good.. but more important is letting them know that they are needed and that YOU need them now.

    good luck..

  8. Sending your whole family, and especially you, lots of love and good energy to embrace you.

    I wish you some soul-rest and recharging and access to previously-untapped sources of strength and focus and energy to carry you through. (I would wish a break from the responsibilities you carry, but I know sometimes life is just unlikely to ease up…so I’d rather wish you something that doesn’t sound like a pipe dream right now.)

    I hope you all are able to get some local offers of more tangible assistance as well…it’s just an exhausting time of life and it’s such a lot to manage for weary and overtaxed new parents.

  9. You know, infections can be life-threatening if left uncared for. That’s why I was in favor of calling the doctor and getting the antibiotics.

Comments are closed.